Just the other day, one of my “friend’s” BB status was along the
lines of “Marriage is sacred, your vows are not to be taken lightly”. I
was a bit taken aback and not because I don’t believe that marriage is
sacred. Infact, I couldn’t agree more with her statement. Its just that I
was a bit confused, you see this my friend had dated one or two married
men while she was single. All of a sudden, she has now realised that
marriage is sacred and cheating is very bad yet she had encouraged
married men to cheat by agreeing to date them when she was single.
Another friend of mine would ask questions like” How many men is Jane
going to sleep with before she gets married” somehow forgetting that she
had slept with more than 5 guys before finally settling down. Or my
friend “Joy” who is always quick to advise single girls how not to give
the milk for free forgetting she moved in with her husband at least a
year before they got married. Don’t get me wrong, this is all good
advice but I just have a problem with the way these ladies think they
have all the relationship answers or that somehow marriage wipes their
slates clean. It is one thing to give genuine advice based on past
experiences and mistakes and another to just be plain judgmental when
you’ve done similar or even worse.
I remember my friend cracking a joke that a lot of married people
seem to frown at premarital sex when married even though they indulged
it in. There are some married women who had no qualms having an
abortion or two for their boyfriends but suddenly remember abortion is
murder simply because they hear someone else is contemplating one. I
know some of you might be thinking what if these ladies have genuinely
turned a new leaf and regret their actions? Well, that is very possible
but I think I would prefer it if they were less judgmental and not act
like they have always been perfect. It is amazing how some women change
after marriage and start acting holier than thou. I don’t think I am
somehow better than my single friends simply because I have met my own
husband and settled down. I was just like them navigating the murky
waters of relationships before I met the special guy who swept me off my
feet – how then can I now start acting like I am better than them or
now know more than them? I am certainly not perfect and made my own
mistakes before getting married but I would like to think I am
reasonable when asked for advice by my single friends. I can give advice
based on past mistakes and indeed admit that I did not know better and
with the benefit of hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have made so and so
mistake. But I would hate to make a single friend feel like I was always
perfect and that is somehow the reason I am now married.
This holier than thou attitude of some women is probably what led my
single friend to ask me why married women become more religious as soon
as they get married? I really don’t know why – perhaps its because they
know the tricks they got up to when single and are afraid of karma? I
mean I don’t know, I’ve never really thought to ask anyone as I am sure
they are likely to be offended by the question. Anyways, here is my
friendly advice to married women – try to be less judgmental about your
single friends, we’ve all made mistakes at some point or another.
Marriage does not make you a better person than the next neither does it
wipe your mistake slate clean – be considerate and thoughtful.
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