Get Pregnant before I marry you

Has a man given you an ultimatum to get pregnant before marriage? Then find out why you should say NO.
Itohan had spent a long time waiting and searching for her ideal man – tall, handsome, Godfearing and relatively well-to-do. When Osas came along, although he wasn’t quite her exact picture of an ideal man, she had ‘matured enough’ to see beyond the phyiscal appearance to what he is on the inside. She had gone past the age when she could afford to be “too choosy”. And to be fair to him, Osas was truly a sweetheart. He was someone she wanted very much to spend the rest of her life with. But there is a slight problem: Osas wants her to get pregnant for him before he would marry her. All her efforts to talk him out of it appear to have fallen on deaf ears. He keeps insisting that he will not make the mistake of marrying a woman that is not pregnant for him first. And some of her friends say there is nothing wrong in that. Deep down, it doesn’t sit well with her. Something about Osas ultimatum doesn’t sound right. Have you ever sat down to consider why and how ladies have been so mashed to the corner, and are dictated to by men to get pregnant before they get married to us? Perhaps what that plainly means is ‘no pregnancy; no marriage’. Phew that sounds so dictatorial!
Whatever happened to what obtained before now? In fact in the 60’s, 70’s and even early 80’s in Nigeria, it was tantamount to arrant irresponsibility and waywardness, if a lady dared venture into the ‘pregnancy before marriage’ wahala. Then the belief that after marriage comes pregnancy was sacrosanct, held so tenaciously by guys and ladies alike. Today, the opposite is becoming increasingly common, as ladies get pregnant every now and then, just to fulfill the mandates of the men. These men are leaving no stone unturned when it comes to being assured with ‘hard evidence’ that their future partners have the natural ability to bear children when the time comes.
Does This Act guarantee a blissful marriage?
Perhaps what these men don’t know isthat knowing that their ladies got pregnant before marriage doesn’t guarantee a successful marriage. In fact there have been cases where the woman was pregnant before marriage and such marriages eventually crashed two years along the line based on what some of them called ‘irreconcilable differences’.
Ladies, here are reasons why getting pregnant before marriage is a NO NO!
1. Marriage is for companionship – children are an added blessing
Marriage in the first place is for two people who genuinely love one other and want to walk the path of life together sharing life’s ups and downs. A man who gives a woman such an ultimatum is looking for a baby making machine and NOT a partner. Such a man is unlikely to treat a wife like the true partner she is or even accord her the respect due to her. What happens if indeed the couple has problems conceiving before the marriage and it is the man’s fault? A lot of problems conceiving these days can be traced to the man so this is not entirely far-fetched. Will the man be happy for the woman to leave him? What if the woman indeed gets pregnant but loses the baby after marriage and experiences delayed conception after then? Worse still, what will you do if after you get pregnant for him he dumps you? You are already pregnant and not too many men find the idea of marrying a ‘+1’ quite appealing. When this happens, the innocent child, that was the condition for the marriage in the first instance, usually ends up the victim. So many things could go wrong with this ultimatum. Children are a part of the blessings in marriage and should not be used as a pre-requisite for marriage.
2. Wrong Perception
If you yield to man’s insistence to be pregnant before marriage, it is a tacit implication that you are easy to manipulate; you can be controlled emotionally quite easily. I don’t really think marriage should be contracted under duress; by putting one party under pressure or in a tight spot. In the days of yore, grooms used to present goats and other things to the parents of his bride if he ‘met her at home’. But in our contemporary times, who cares for chastity nowadays? In fact, you are considered naïve if you are still a virgin. Pregnancy before marriage seems to be taking it a notch higher. Using pregnancy/child bearing as a pre-condition to marriage is quite a twisted concept of the procedures leading to marriage.
3. High Likelihood to Cheat
A man who wants you to be pregnant for him before he marries you is unlikely to value and respect you as a wife. If you consider pregnancy AFTER marriage as a virtue and you eventually compromise, he may feel you would compromise on several other things like allowing him keep a mistress or two. Afterall, when you could take a stance before marriage you didn’t. It will now be too late to start taking stances when a man knows that all he has to say is JUMP and you ask how high.
What about Ladies, who don’t mind going the whole nine yards?
And yes, there are hundreds, probably tens of thousands of ladies in our society who don’t think there is anything cynical and inappropriate about getting pregnant before marriage. In fact they think this is one of the best ways to trap a guy whom they have been dreaming would walk them down the aisle some day. With men increasingly becoming ‘scarce’ these days, a lady got to do what she got to do, so they rationalize – taking advantage of such an opportunity would hook a husband for them. If you fall on that side of the divide, then you must be ready to bear the brunt of whatever comes out of this gun-in-the-head decision. Just before you run off thinking it is wise, have you taken time to ponder on the fact that you will be a mother someday and will not be happy if your daughter comes to say she wants to get pregnant first before marrying. That would not be laying the right and solid foundations for your children and especially your daughters. Pregnancy should not be used as a pre-condition to marriage. Ladies never you yield to that. It is tantamount to putting the cart before the horse. Whoever wants you to be pregnant for him before he marries you doesn’t truly love you enough. If he truly loves you, he would not want to put you in a situation where you may have to do something you really don’t want to do. He would respect your wishes and decisions. You already know the saying that ‘love is blind’. However, it pays a great deal to go into marriage with your eyes and full senses intact.
Just then you would have saved yourself the tales of woes. Ladies, please look before you leap.